Famous Writer

Once I grow up, I’m going to be a famous writer. Everything I write will be an instant hit, and people will wait in line for hours upon hours just to buy my new book. Every review written will be an outstanding appraisal of my engaging storylines, witty characters, and thought-provoking situations. People will read my books in a single night, and stand around the water cooler at work the next day sleepless but inspired by my exquisite writings. Their lives changed, they will all vow to quit their silly nine-to-five jobs and venture out into the “real world”--a world where all people co-exist peacefully and with purpose. They will all move to Tuscany or the Midwest, somewhere where they can really get back to their roots, just like my books moved them to do! They will farm corn or coffee or buckwheat, all the while repeating back humorous but clever jokes to each other they first read in my books. As a famous writer, I will only give interviews to the most prestigious magazines, where they will ask me about what my writing schedule is like, and how do I stay in such good shape? After the interview is over, the interviewer will lean in and beg me to write just a few articles for them. “It would be a huge honor,” he or she would whisper, “and we will pay you $100 per word.” Naturally, I would turn the money down, but the issues that I wrote for would be the best sellers of any magazines of all time.